Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
