good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can I color on your dick again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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