I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
