He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
