so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
