omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
