If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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