My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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