I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
