somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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