Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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