just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
