Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
