But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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