I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
even my farts smell like vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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