Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
