Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
