Me too!
Please, let me fuck your mom
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
