I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
