too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
