He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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