bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
