woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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