please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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