I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
