Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
