Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
