Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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