I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
