it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
