Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
