Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We're too hungover to prance.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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