Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
