proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found your dick twin last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
