that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What a dumb baby whore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
