i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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