Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
