i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm both gender and math confused
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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