fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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