So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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