I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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