Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
