absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
