Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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