There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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