Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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