Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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