OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
