bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
