I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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